"Is There A Secret To Marriage?"
As you may guess, I have been getting this question a lot lately. People keep asking: what's going on here? Is there really a secret?
Absolutely, there is. When I say "secret," I'm not talking about some hidden knowledge that some small group has. Instead, it is knowledge that couples stumble upon, one at a time, and don't even know that they know it! They are unaware that they have discovered the secrets that will preserve and improve their marriage.
I realized it after talking with successful couples and unsuccessful couples. I discovered that there are really some very clear (and very simple) differences. After doing some digging and research, I am finally getting ready to let everyone in on them.
Fact is, there are about 4 secrets, one being the major, and the others building on that one. Once a couple (or even one spouse) has the knowledge, the marriage is transformed.
Unfortunately, not every couple will want to discover the secrets of marriage. Some have just decided to either divorce or be miserable. But others will want to grow and change, improve and develop their marriage. For those people, the secrets will literally transform their marriage.
As the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." I would never confuse you with a horse, but there are indeed people who will not desire to learn the secrets.
If you want to learn the secrets (and certainly THE SECRET of marriage), you may want to give us your name and email address just above this post, so that we can keep you informed.
For now, I need to get back to creating the information that you need if you want the secret to marriage!
Look for more information soon!
Absolutely, there is. When I say "secret," I'm not talking about some hidden knowledge that some small group has. Instead, it is knowledge that couples stumble upon, one at a time, and don't even know that they know it! They are unaware that they have discovered the secrets that will preserve and improve their marriage.
I realized it after talking with successful couples and unsuccessful couples. I discovered that there are really some very clear (and very simple) differences. After doing some digging and research, I am finally getting ready to let everyone in on them.
Fact is, there are about 4 secrets, one being the major, and the others building on that one. Once a couple (or even one spouse) has the knowledge, the marriage is transformed.
Unfortunately, not every couple will want to discover the secrets of marriage. Some have just decided to either divorce or be miserable. But others will want to grow and change, improve and develop their marriage. For those people, the secrets will literally transform their marriage.
As the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." I would never confuse you with a horse, but there are indeed people who will not desire to learn the secrets.
If you want to learn the secrets (and certainly THE SECRET of marriage), you may want to give us your name and email address just above this post, so that we can keep you informed.
For now, I need to get back to creating the information that you need if you want the secret to marriage!
Look for more information soon!
posted by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. | 11:19 AM
2 Comments:
Hi - I have been married twice and I am now in a de facto relationship.
The first marriage was to an only child who was 11 years older and had no respect for women. I didn't find that out until after we were married. I tried to communicate and work out our differences but he didn't want to know. He would not speak to me for days on end and I could never find out why. Four children and sixteen years later, we separated and then divorced 3 years later.
Husband number two was totally different. When we first met, we became friends first and later lovers. He was separated from his first wife when we met and two years later, they got back together as the army unit he was with transferred him back to the area where she was living.She wanted to try again because of there teenage children.
They separated again about two years later, this time for good. We eventually got back together and Married 10 years to the day that I first met him. As I had by then,been on my own for 12 years, I had become very independant, assertive and strong.
Number 2 was also similar in what we wanted so we talked about what we wanted our relationship to be like. We wrote our own marriage ceremony and had an agreement to respect each others differences. Our relationship was loving,gentle and kind. There was no name calling. if either of us upset the other (which was rare)we would take a brief'time out'and then discuss what was bugging us without blame or name calling to the other. We were very happy and supportive of each other. I was heart broken when he died suddenly with a heart attack.That was six years ago.
Three years ago,I met another man (number 3) who is very funny, he makes me laugh a lot and is mostly easy to get on with.
We have been living together for the last 2 years. However, when things are not going his way he blames me, also blames women in general for all sorts of things and is very demanding,loud and domineering,not allowing me to voice an opinion and if I do manage to say anything he makes fun of me. He makes fun of others calling them fat,ugly and other unkind words. He knows I don't like that sort of behaviour.When he is acting uncouth and unkind I get very frustrated with him when I cannot get through to him that I don't like the direction things are going. I get so frustrated I am finding myself acting totally out of character.I Don't get violent and lash out by hitting or throwing heavy things but I have thrown wet dishcloths at him which makes him laugh and makes me more frustrated. I then swear at him( I don't nomally swear). He then chastises me for swearing and says he never swears at me. He doesnt swear at me but he does swear though when he is mad so I emphasise the fact that it seems to be the only language he seems to understand.I believe in win/win but he says that there is always a winner and a loser and he makes sure that he wins. I hate fights. They dont happen often but are very upsetting when they occur.
Kim
Thank you for your letter. Clearly, you have been in a great deal of pain.
What your letter demonstrates is how we tend to find ourselves repeatedly bumping up against the same walls until we figure our way around them!
Next week, May 1, I will be releasing the information The Secret Of Marriage. I think you may find the answers to get you around the wall!
Best wishes!
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